There may be three months to go, but TIME doesn’t care. “Oliver Anthony is, without a doubt, this year’s most influential person,” said Editor-in-Chief Joe Barron, “So we’re announcing earlier than ever before.”
Barron is right. Oliver Anthony stormed onto the scene with a song that struck the hearts of working-class America, reminding them that the real enemies in this country are the rich men north of Richmond, Virginia.
Anthony’s lyrics moved the political right with his mention of fat people eating fudge rounds instead of working and an obvious plea for the US to return to its faith in God.
The left was rewarded when Anthony clearly stated that he wasn’t affiliated with extremists and that he speaks from the heart. “He’s the guy who keeps people like Joe Manchin in office,” said ALLOD Political Analyst Tara Newhole, “I don’t think Republicans realize he exists.”
Anthony’s rise to fame has worked out for him, for people on both sides of the political spectrum, and especially for people writing bullhonkey headlines for Facebook tater cash.
He truly is a bipartisan delight.
What’s next for Anthony? The sky’s the limit, says his agent, Ryan J Fish of Williams, Vanden, and Boom. “He’s a force of nature at this point. Nothing can stop these dumbass stories.” God bless America.
