Oliver Anthony is absolutely on fire. His latest feat, which nobody thought possible, defied all the odds — and he wasn’t even trying.

When ticket sales opened for his upcoming tour, he sold more in a single day than Taylor Swift, breaking a record experts thought would last forever.

“It’s really something,” said Anthony’s Tour Manager Joe Barron, “We weren’t trying to beat her or anything. It just kinda happened. Oliver thinks God probably stepped in and made it all happen.”

When we’re talking about numbers like these, divine intervention is definitely on the table. Anthony sold out every venue on the tour in a single business day. “It was astounding,” said Barron, “We just sat there watching the numbers go bonkers. We praised Jesus a lot that day.”

The big win gets a little less impressive when you break the numbers down, according to ALLOD Statisticalist Tara Newhole. “It’s true that Oliver sold out every venue,” she reported, “It’s an impressive feat for sure. But to imply that they beat Taylor Swift isn’t really fair, considering she doesn’t have any current sales. Her tour is sold out until Jesus comes back.”

After some investigation, we found that Anthony sold out 14 venues, the largest of which being the Chicken Shack in Pascagoula, Mississippi, in one day, for a total of 865 tickets. Taylor Swift had no ticket sales that day. However, resale tickets outpaced Anthony by about 176-to-1, and as far as actual money involved, it’s almost embarrassing.

But none of that happened in the first three or four paragraphs, so all is well. God Bless America.


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