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From The Dunning-Kruger Times:
Kid Rock and Jason Aldean have announced that they’ve canceled all of the New York tour dates on their upcoming “You Can’t Cancel America” tour.
“We support 45,” the tour’s website announced, “therefore, we won’t be bringing the tour to the state that has treated him so poorly.”
The tour was set to play more than a dozen dates in New York, adding untold millions to local economies and giving patriotic Americans living in a liberal nightmare the chance to have a night to themselves.
“All of that’s gone now, thanks to New York,” said President of the Kid Rock Fan Club Joe Barron, “I had tickets for the West Plattsville Pig Roast. Floor seats. We were gonna get the free commemorative popcorn bucket signed by Kid himself for an extra $12.99. We’re pretty bummed.”
Lots of other venues are also upset about losing their chance to have the biggest tour of the year come to their town.
The biggest loss is probably the Brunswick just outside of Cooperstown. They were slated to have the tour during Cosmic Bowling, which often brings a crowd of nearly a hundred. “We had a stage rented and everything,” said Manager Joe Barron, “The local Littler League team sold raffler tickets that came with free admission, so we were expecting to reach the fire department’s 125-person limit. Our local economy really needed it, but we understand.”
That’s very patriotic. God Bless Cosmic Bowling. And God Bless America.
