Fact-Check: Yes, Malia Obama Is A Criminal With Multiple Arrests

The claim: Malia Obama has been arrested multiple times for several different crimes.

The rating: While we can’t find any official record of the arrests, the reports of them happening came from sources we choose to believe. Therefore, we rate this claim as true.

Those sources, which are all a part of the America’s Last Line of Defense network, are clearly labeled satire. That doesn’t mean they can’t be true. Well, yes, it does, but again, that doesn’t really matter. We’ve found more than 10K comments on the various articles from Trumpsters that are some version of “I pray this is true,” and a bunch of others that say things like “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

How can we possibly rate this as anything other than true with that many people sure that it’s fact? This is Trump’s America, patriots. If we believe it, it’s true. That’s just the way it is.

Malia’s arrests have been widespread, according to the blatantly fictitious but somehow believable articles. She’s been charged with everything from giving whip-its to girl scouts, possession of bloogies, selling off trinkets she stole from the White House, and even treason.

Again, none of this is true by the definition of the word “true,” but in the world of alt-truth, it is absolutely true. Who isn’t totally convinced that the Deep State made all of this go away and that the only way the facts can get out is if they’re hidden behind labeled satire?

It’s not that hard to figure out, patriots. Confirmation bias isn’t just powerful, it makes lots of false things true. We have proof.

Stay vigilant, patriots. Our truth shall set you free from the bonds of reality. Every damn time.

About Flagg Eagleton 30 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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