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From Latherland:

LeBron James made a huge move when he left Adidas for Nike, but it’s one the company might grow to regret. On hearing of LeBron’s $230 million contract, long-time brand ambassador and owner of the “Air Jordan” brand, Michael Jordan, announced his departure.

“LeBron is a woke crybaby,” Jordan told ALLOD Correspondent Joe Barron, “I won’t work with him. He doesn’t remember where he came from. I have enough money. Maybe I’ll take Air Jordans over to Reebok.”

Jordan has been the sole owner of the name since its inception in 1994. The patent for the anti-gravity liquid that made the brand so light and dynamic is also in Jordan’s name. “People don’t remember that I’m also a chemist,” he said, “You don’t just go to college for basketball.”

James said he disagrees, and that you certainly can go to college for basketball, regardless of whether you can pass chemistry. “Cs get degrees, bro.”

As for Nike, they’re left holding the bag with a million shoe orders to fill by next week and no magic juice or brand name to fall back on. ALLOD Financial Analysticator Tara Newhole says the company, which went woke several years ago, will probably fold.

“As sure as Garth Brooks is broke and hated yet still gets people to pay him off stage weekly and Whoopi Goldberg got fired again, Nike will absolutely go broke,” she said, “They went woke. It’s the end result every time. Just ask Bud Light. Basically out of business.”

Bud Light wasn’t available for comment. Probably from being out of business or something. God Bless America.


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