The internet is all abuzz because of yet another story about “The View.” This time, however, the story is 100 percent factual.

It’s TRUE! Executives at ABC confirmed to our source that they did, in fact, knock half off of Joy and Whoopi’s already dwindling $9.1 million per year salary. At half that rate, they become the lowest-paid talk show hosts on television.

TRUE! THEY MAKE HALF WHAT THEY USED TO!

Goldberg and Behar don’t speak publicly about their contracts or their show’s ratings, according to media links on their agent’s website. Art Tubolls, CEO of Joe Barron Talent Inc, says all media inquiries are dealt with by their PR team and that America’s Last Line of Defense isn’t allowed in that arena. “You guys just make shit up,” said Tubolls, “It’s funny and we think it’s great about the taters and stuff, but yeah. Just…make shit up and save us the cost of the free buffet. That’s the only reason you fat fucks come anyway.”

Tubolls isn’t completely wrong if you ask around. All liberal trolls masquerading as conservatives are fat and live in their mothers’ basements. So who do you believe these days?

You believe us, patriots, because we’re in the best shape of our lives and ready to take being free to the next level. Ooh Ra. Semper Fi. USA!

God bless America.