Dylan Mulvaney was thrust into the limelight last year when Anheuser Busch announced her as the new spokesperson for its Bud Light brand. When Kid Rock found out, he made Mulvaney even more famous.

“FU, Bud Light,” Rock said after he shot a bunch of cans, and a movement was born. According to Mulvaney, Kid’s legendary move is what ruined her financially, causing her to declare bankruptcy.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve this,” said Mulvaney, “I was just living my life and then this bully comes and decides I’m some kind of evil person. He’s a fraud who grew up wealthy and uses auto-tune, so I’m alright inside, but I’m also broke.”

After some investigation, we learned that Kid Rock is definitely not “straight out the trailer,” unless his trailer was parked behind the mansion owned by his car dealership-owning parents. He does also use auto-tune, but only when he’s trying to sing.

“I use some embellishments,” Kid told ALLOD Entertainment Journalisticator Tara Newhole, “But who doesn’t? Do you really think Eminem had it that rough? I know people who swear he had Air Jordans in middle school.”

Eminem wasn’t available for comment. As for Mulvaney, she’s still plugging away, trying to be herself and enjoy her time on this giant spinning rock. “I’m not gonna let one goon’s words hurt me,” she said, “especially when he’s the poster child for meth heads and Magaderpians. Whatever.”

As expected, Mulvaney resorted to insults. That’s really all they have, patriots. God Bless America.


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