FACT CHECK : True, Trump Became a Christian Years Ago

OF COURSE!

The Claim – After attending several events sponsored by Christian organizations, anti-choice donors, and posing uncomfortably with an upside-down Bible in front of a venerable church, Democratic critics say that President Trump is engaged in a pandering operation simply to get the votes of mainly elderly and white evangelicals who became Christians on January 1st, 2008, when a black man was elected leader.  Freedom Fictions has researched this claim and found it to be :

Although Donald Trump has been reported numerous times to have atheist leanings and has never followed the teachings of Jesus Christ in any way, many of his supporters attest that he had been “saved” later in life and is currently a believer, despite his predilection for fucking porn stars while his pregnant wife toils in ignorance.  There’s also the children in cages.

However, records obtained by chief recordkeeper Sandra Batt of Holy Mother of Neil Peart Christian Drive-Thru in Blumpkinville, New Jersey, show without a doubt that the citizen-gassing President was baptized and converted shortly after the birth of his first child, Cucump Trump in 1973.  The child was later killed when his father used him as an electrical conductor for a faulty generator in his first Trump Tower hotel, saving a mere sixty-three dollars.

“What, he couldn’t have used a coupon, the schmuck?”

Although Trump does not appear to attend any specific church of his own free will without any camera coverage, he has been spotted celebrating the Christian holiday of Christmas, believing it to have been named after Andrew Christmas, a former family friend who licked cars clean for a living.

After his religious awakening, the northern billionaire who never held a job where his hours of employment were counted or engaged with a non-white co-worker styled himself as an “everyman” for his newfound audience.  To President Donald Trump, the money of the children of Christ is just as easy to con as a loser looking for a cheap phony college.

 

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