If there’s one thing most people can agree on, it’s the creepiness of Tom Hanks.
Ever since the rumors began of his trips to a certain island and his affinity for odd things left at playgrounds, Hanks has been quietly slipping out of the public eye.
The latest shot across the bow of his wavering career is the canceling of his Lifetime Achievement Award at the upcoming Oscars.
“There are too many unanswered questions,” said Academy Spokesman Joe Barron, “The Oscars isn’t a night for that kind of controversy to unfold.”
Aside from the snubbing by the Academy, Hanks is also looking at the first year in a long time with no work anywhere on the horizon. “Nobody wants to stare that issue in the face and pretend it isn’t happening,” said James Woods, “It makes for an awkward evening for everyone.”
Woods plans to meet up at the pub across the street for wings and beer during the show with Scott Baio and Dena Cain as he has since he tossed his career for Magaderpia. Next year they’re considering adding Roseanne Barr, if she can slip away from her show with Tim Allen.
Whatever happens, patriots, we’ll be sure to keep you updated. The Oscars will be a wild night for sure. God Bless America.
