A recent article circulating on social media claims that Fox News host Tucker Carlson is suing Mars, the maker of the iconic M&M candy brand, for defamation to the tune of 25 million dollars.

The brawl between Carlson and Mars apparently began after he had aired a news segment during which he lamented the lack of sexiness of the recently revamped and much beloved M&M characters.

The particular focus of his ire was the Green M&M, which he claimed “used to be so sexy, and now she’s this androgynous ‘thing’ that doesn’t turn me on any more”.

It was certainly no secret in the Fox Newsroom that Mr. Carlson had a ‘thing’ for the Green M&M, according to one unnamed source familiar with the matter:

“Oh yeah, he was always buying bags of M&Ms, picking out the green ones and throwing away the rest.

He even has posters of her wearing lingerie posted in his locker, which he keeps next to his Candyhouse magazines. It’s almost like he had some sort of fetish for her.

Funny thing is, he never ate them. Who knows what he did with them, but there were always discarded M&M bags in the men’s room.”

The lawsuit was filed after an apparent prankster at M&M put out an official statement on the company’s website that made fun of the size of Mr. Carlson’s penis, claiming that a hand gesture he made during the news segment was intended to indicate the size of his male member.

The statement reads in part “Tucker thinks he’s a VIP. Well, now we all know that it’s true and that in his case the acronym is short for ‘Very Inferior Penis’.”

An image of Tucker Carlson allegedly describing the size of his penis.

In order to set the record straight, we were able to track down and interview the Green M&M as she was leaving Victoria Secret’s after purchasing clothes for her latest Candyhouse photo shoot.

When asked if the allegations are true, she responded:

“I always thought Tucker was a bit of a dickhead, to be honest. He was always texting me, asking me ‘Hey, babe, what’s up’ or what I was wearing.

And then one day – and this is really embarrassing – he asked me out for dinner. Well, long story short, we ended up at his hotel and, well, you know, ‘stuff’ happened.

It was surreal. All I felt was a little prick and it was all over.”

In light of the filing of the lawsuit in the 143rd District Court of Southwestern DC, as well as the statement by the Green M&M, we rate both the original article as well as the claims made by the prankster at M&M to be TRUE.


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