President Trump’s sobriety has been a subject of pride among his supporters and his co-workers, but is it really true that he is a lifelong tea-totaller?  Freedom Fictions dove in to do fictional research, and found fictional but freedomy evidence proving this claim to be :

Trump was raised in luxury, with a 13-bedroom house containing 8 separate functioning bars.  Family members and former housekeepers have confided that the young Donald had been drinking whiskey from the age of 8.  During his elementary and junior high school years, he was cited by instructors 14 times for “erratic and seemingly drunken behavior.”  While in his twenties, the future President added cocaine to the mix, and was well known among debutante circles by the nickname “Have a bump trump.”

He and Robert Downey Jr. snorted off some of the same asses.

In the current day, Trump has dialed down his love of the liquor, but has mostly replaced it with a feverish desire for adderall, which he imbibes nasally over 40 times a day.

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