The coveted “Woman of the Year” title has been officially handed to former Kentucky swimmer and up-and-coming conservative pundit Riley Gaines. All nine judges voted unanimously.

While the win should come as no surprise given what Riley has done for women’s rights, many believed the crown would likely go to soccer star Megan Rapinoe. Nominating Committee Chair Joe Barron said Rapinoe wasn’t a consideration at all.

“Her name was on the list of finalists,” said Barron, “But so was Lia Thomas and Simone Biles. One is a quitter and the other, well…you know. Riley was really the only logical choice.”

The Citizens United National Trust Society will deliver the award to Gaines on live television at its annual awards show, which now streams on Fox Nation.

ALLOD Correspondent Tara Newhole caught up with Rapinoe, who says she’s “really shaken up” about the loss. “They said Riley deserved it because she was cheated. I mean…I guess,” she said, “If you consider coming in 5th and tying for 5th two different things.”

Gaines has been on a crusade for women ever since she had her special moment of standing alone in the 5th-place slot ruined by someone she considers superior to her. It wasn’t fair then and it isn’t fair now. At least with this award, she can help legitimize her new career of grifting the cult.

We’re with you, Riley. Even with your funny-looking cheeks. God Bless America.


  1. Terry Aderhold

    Hey Flagg Eagleton you shouldn’t criticize anyone’s physical appearance. Look in the mirror and you should understand what I’m talking about.

  2. albert

    Researchers found that the mere sight of someone who is overweight can trigger feelings of disgust and nausea similar rotten food. Our brains have evolved to react to outward signs of disease, such as rashes & wounds, because bacteria & viruses are invisible
    Get these “athletes” some help

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