Not one single player took a knee during the National Anthem this week, marking the first time the game has been free from disrespectful “protests” since Colin Kaepernick first took that fateful knee back in 2013.

“It’s been a long road,” said Steeler’s Head Coach Mike Tomlin, “I know for me it’s been one article after the other since I took over for the Chin. He only had to deal with the one about the million-dollar fine. I get a new one every weekend.”

Cowboy’s Head Coach Mike McCarthy says the whole thing really got out of hand this season. “It’s a regular thing,” said McCarthy, “but now with the SpaceX Mania guy we get a new meme sometimes twice a week.”

Snopes keeps debunking the story, but it keeps coming back in new forms, which means it’s obviously true. “They’re hacks anyway,” said the guy from Maine who still laughs every time he thinks about them getting fired from Facebook. “They didn’t like the API. Chah.”

ALLOD Sportsball Journalisticator Tara Newhole said she’s unaware of any kneeling players this year. “I’m not chasing your nonsense around anymore, Flagg,” said Newhole, “I did a simple Google search and the only thing that comes up are fact-checks.”

Irregardless of what Ms. Newhole might have to say, we strongly support banning anthem kneeling here at ALLOD and will continue to report on it every time we think of a profitable headline.

Our 1st Amendment rights aren’t yours to trifle with. God Bless America.



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