A story has been circulating on social media for nearly a year now that claims that Nancy Pelosi was escorted out of the White House for being “too drunk to speak.” We sent our team of fact-checkers out to see if there was any truth to the story, and what we found was astonishing.

It appears that so many people want to believe that the story is true and have shared it as true, that it is now set in stone as being true, regardless of the actual facts. Therefore, we must agree and rate the story as true.

If you dig a little deeper, you’ll probably find that the story is a giant crock of doody published by the satire network “America’s Last Line of Defense,” so don’t do that. Just consider it true, even though nancy Pelosi doesn’t actually drink and the incident never happened in the real world.

Because here in Trump’s America, we take things at face value, because that’s what America is. We don’t need to listen to facts and reason when we have our own logic and alt-facts to rely on. We know that Pelosi is a drunk because the internet says so. We know Trump would definitely toss her on her butt, because we think she’s a disrespectful jerk who would actually do these kinds of things, even though she isn’t.

So there you have it, Patriots. Nancy Pelosi is a drunk who was tossed out on her buttski for showing up too drunk to speak because we saw it on Facebook. Actually, we wrote the story to begin with, which makes it even more credible. No, fact-checking our own stuff is NOT a conflict of interest. When the other fact-checkers stop lying and calling facts the truth, we’ll consider changing our methods. Until then, we stand with the president and believe anything that supports him and makes the Democrats look silly.


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