According to reporting from the Dunning-Kruger Times:

Since 1918, the General Mills company has put champions of the sporting world on boxes of its Wheaties brand cereal. This year, the space was reserved for Megan Rapinoe, who was expected to come home from Sweden with yet another World Cup win.

Instead, she came home a loser, with her tail between her legs, after missing an easy kick on an open net. The game wasn’t all she lost, however.

“We had to re-evaluate our position on using Ms. Rapinoe this year,” said General Mills Chairman Joe Barron, “We only put champions on the box.”

Rapinoe wasn’t happy at the news, threatening to sue the company over “loss of image.” She seems to forget that she did that, not a cereal company.

But is it real? After a painstaking investigation and a message to General Mills, we have determined that while there’s no actual proof that this happened, the story is 100 percent TRUE.

Megan Rapinoe is a person conservatives dislike, therefore whatever happens to her on the internet is certainly the result of their awesome power to cancel someone. In the real world, Megan Rapinoe has two World Cup wins and an Olympic gold medal and couldn’t care less what the loud minority thinks, but that’s not important.

What is important is the truth. And for this, we’ve applied the only one that matters: The one the audience wants to believe. God Bless America.


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