Is Nancy Pelosi Retiring in 2020?

On or about August 5th, a website known to publish things agreeable to conservatives reported that Nancy Pelosi is retiring at the end of this term. But was there any truth to the claim? Let’s take a look at the facts:

First, the person who reported that he heard the rumor, Kyle Brandon, may or may not be a real person. The party he supposedly heard the rumor at was described as a “kegger in San Dimas,” but there were no keggers in San Dimas that night, though there was one in neighboring Upton Falls, so that may have been a simple clerical error.

Next, the rumor allegedly came from Candace Pelosi, while her sister Marybeth was upstairs selling oxycontin to lesbians in exchange for state secrets. None of those facts are verifiable, as they are most likely made up and not at all realistic, so we had to hunt down the real truth.

The real truth, unfortunately, is that nobody who can verify the story as true will step forward, probably because they need the oxy.

As of now, we have to rate this story as mostly true but somewhat false, pending verification that the truth allows for some fiction.


About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 61 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.