Fact-Check: Yes, Jeffrey Epstein Is Chelsea Clinton’s Biological Father

Duh, It's Not True

Recently, a story broke that was too much for our family-friendly journalists over at Fox News to touch. Because no one wants to think about Hillary Clinton’s sexy time.

However, the fine patriots over at Daily World Update took one for the team to expose Chelsea Clinton’s real father, the now murdered, Jeffrey Epstein.

We fact-checked this article and give it a rating of TRUE!

Yep, that’s right. Through absolutely no legitimate fact-checking, we’ve determined that there is a pretty good chance that a young Hillary Clinton and young Jeff Epstein made whoopee at some point and then had a baby who is now known as “Chelsea Clinton.”

Or, does her birth certificate say “Chelsea Epstein?”

If only there was a way we could know. Unfortunately, because birth records are not public, and you know how easy it is for birth certificates to be faked anyway, ThanksObummer, we can only assume that this claim is true because the original writer (also me) said so.

Sure, there is zero DNA evidence that says such a thing and no evidence that Maury Povich is really on the case, but this article has a headline that says it is fact-checked, and there’s that big red “true” stamp on it!

So, clearly, it’s true, true, true!

Other sources unknown to anyone also say they remember Jeff tickled the gizzard with Hillary way back in the day. We know it doesn’t really matter to you if we have sources for that or not. Your confirmation bias means you’ll see that we call ourselves fact-checkers and not the pesky libtard kind who say they need actual facts to say something is true.

Plus, Chelsea appears to have Jeffrey Epstein’s nose and that’s just science. There’s no denying that one.

About Norbert Heck 3 Articles
There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand. You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel. So long, Dott.

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