Fact-Check: Is The Daytona Speedway Severing Ties With NASCAR?

An article circulated far and wide claims that the Daytona International Speedway is cutting its ties with Nascar over their ban of the confederate flag. After much investigation, we rate this claim to be “very true.”

You may ask yourself, “self…why would they rate a claim ‘very true’ without any actual evidence to back it up?” The answer is simple: something can’t be “very true.” It’s a non-gradable qualifier and therefore can’t be quantified with something like “very.” So is it true? There’s no way to tell, sadly.

What we do know is that our readers really, really want it to be true. NASCAR went and nixed the official symbol of racism and hate, and the taters over at our satire network, America’s Last Line of Defense, not only want it to be true, they hope and pray that it’s true.

Since we’re the same people who wrote the original story, this fact-check constitutes a serious conflict of interest on our part. If you believe it just because you saw the big red “very true” and moved on to one of the shiny ads, we thank you for your support and hope you keep coming back for more.

As for the story itself, it’s complete and utter bullshit. NASCAR owns the Daytona International Speedway. They paid $2 billion for it. They don’t care what you think, why you believe a racist emblem is so important to you, or why you’re defending participation trophies.

But…you’re taters. And you’re gonna state. So…thanks for stopping by. Try the veal.

About Flagg Eagleton 30 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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