A small town in Maine tried to pull off a large town festival and failed miserably. Batt’s Island spent more than 40 percent of its annual budget planning a Pride Festival, and nobody showed up.

“We hired a DJ and got some live bands. We even spent big bucks on that one famous drag show,” said Town Councilor Joe Barron, “then there’s the tents and chairs, the sound stage…all for nothing.”

According to sources on the ground, the town’s residents are “mostly conservative retirees,” which made the entire idea a bit silly to begin with. “We was never gunna go,” said Bill Plumber, who speaks for most of the MAGA crowd in the Pine Tree State, “the town council did a vote while Mike was in the hospital and Jerry was on a fishing trip.”

The town, which now can’t afford to pay its police officers and firefighters, had to file for federal bankruptcy protection.

“It’s really sad,” said Neil from 3rd Street before they renamed it, “this was a nice town before them liberals started gentrifying everything.”

A gay couple recently bought an antique store in town and a Muslim family sells fresh clams on the corner of Main and 7th. It’s definitely not the Batt’s Island of old.

Pray for the residents, patriots, that they may overcome the wokeness. And that nothing catches fire anytime soon. God Bless America.

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