The new Central Florida Tourism Board has been tasked with oversight of the Walt Disney World Resort. Until last year, the area was run by Disney itself with little to no regulation whatsoever.

Now, however, all decisions that affect the public must go through the process of state oversight. In one of its first moves, the board immediately disqualified biological males from pretending to be princesses.

“They have far too much contact with children for that to be safe,” said Board Trustee Joe Barron, “These men who look just like women are touching kids and taking pictures of them. It’s horrifying.”

Not anymore. The board’s ruling means all biological males must register with the state and carry a permit to work in the parks, hotels, or other publicly-accessible areas. “They’ll also be subject to additional drug screening and random lie detector tests.”

When it comes to children’s safety, Florida is certainly on top of it. Where else could you possibly have such a fascist-like response to something go over so well with the people? Because sometimes, patriots, we have to think outside the box.

Disney estimates that anywhere from zero to three people might lose their jobs, if anyone can point them out. “Yeah my money is on you immediately grabbing a couple of Tiana’s and splitting after the lawsuits,” said park CEO Art Tubolls, “the safe bet is on ‘this won’t go well.'”

Vegas has the odds of the situation in Florida not going well for Ron DeSantis at 60 to 1 in favor of his career ending in disgrace. God Bless America.

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