In a surprising vote that nobody saw coming, the City of Nashville has effectively shut down Garth Brooks and his plan to open a bar there. The City Council voted 4-3 to deny the country superstar a liquor license.

“We don’t feel like the city will be a better place if we allow Friends in Low Places to serve alcohol,” said City Manager Joe Barron, “We would prefer a place that welcomes all people.”

Brooks said his bar would do just that, right before he called half of Americans “assholes” and ostracized himself from his own fan base.

Without a liquor license, Brooks won’t be able to make good on his promise to sell “all brands of beer,” including, of course, Bud Light.

While punishing Brooks online is both fun and profitable, it doesn’t quite jive with the reality of his situation. For example, his bar has already both had a flop of a grand opening as well as a canceled event of the same name.

“It’s like Shroedinger’s bar,” said ALLOD Correspondent Skip Tetheludah, “we can’t tell from day to day what might happen next.” With a full boycott blooming, it’s really, really hard to tell.

One thing is for sure, patriots: Garth Brooks will never be a success in the hearts and minds of true Americans on the internet. God Bless America.



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