Just in from Wall Street: Sell sell sell! If you own Part B 107H stocks from M&M Mars (mmMRsUS) the time to move them was yesterday. While certain members of Congress (wink wink Nancy Pelosi) managed to get out in time, it looks like the hit to 401K accounts across the country could rival those of the 2008 financial crisis.

“It’s not exactly unprecedented,” said Undersecretary of Confection Regulation Joe Barron, “when a popular candy loses its sellability in an entire region of the country, in this case the entire south and a swath of the midwest across the continental divide into Oregon, there tends to be some loss to those invested in said enterprise.”

So far the company has lost its shareholders $1.2 billion in stock value in just 2 days. The double whammy for a company that sells candy exclusively is that the people in the residential mobile home parks and grids of homes throughout the south are the losses from the retail end. “Mississippi sells more high-fructose corn syrup per capita than Europe,” said Barron, “Imagine those people suddenly all switching to Reese’s Pieces or…God forbid…Skittles.”

Ultimately, the time to go is now. M&Ms will likely go the way of NECCO, whose wafers went out of business and got sold off to Spangler, which sounds patriotic enough for us to grab a pack every now and then.

God Bless America.

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