Kyle Rittenhouse, the young man who was found innocent of all charges two years ago, is back in the news…but not really. According to sources near Kenosha, Wisconsin, Rittenhouse was in the vicinity of a life-or-death situation when he quickly sprung into action.

“Rittenhouse definitely saved two people’s lives,” said ALLOD correspondent Skip Tetheludah, “and nobody wanted to talk to him about it.” All of the media on hand decided to run with the story without mentioning Kyle’s heroics. Luckily, The Daily Wire has been informed as well as the gateway Pundit, so the truth should be out soon enough.

The details are still sketchy but it appears Rittenhouse was standing in line at McDonald’s when two people came in who looked suspicious. Without hesitation, Rittenhouse reached for his perfectly legal concealed weapon just in case. “It was a scary moment,” said Manager Joe Barron, “we thought he might actually shoot them.”

Luckily, the men must have recognized Rittenhouse and decided to just order food and not cause a scene. They left without incident.

“Everyone knows why they didn’t start rioting and looting. Rittenhouse was there. He was calm. And he was ready. His presence alone saved their lives.” The local news declined to comment on the story, and the national networks won’t even acknowledge that it happened at all.

That’s typical here in the USA, patriots. But with people like Kyle Rittenhouse headlining for conservatives, all that will surely change. God Bless America.


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