When Garth Brooks took the stage at the 123rd Annual Texas Country Jamboree in Hambriston, the famous farm of the Barron Cattle Empire, he didn’t expect to leave in shame under two minutes later.

“For 22 years, Garth Brooks has been the headliner of this event,” said a sad Toby Keith after Brooks was booed offstage, “but we really can’t keep pretending he’s not playing for the other side.”

Toby Keith is correct, patriots. Garth Brooks left the real country scene the day he decided to play a set in Central Park. He thought he would attract his fans from the surrounding rural areas, but instead, he learned liberals just love him.

Unfortunately, he’s spent two decades loving them back. His comments about his own fans being “assholes” has basically tanked his career and ended any hopes he had of running a successful bar in Nashville.

“We’re not really looking forward to his opening, “said Nashville Mayor Art Tubolls, “we expect there to be a lot of chaos, with leftists swarming the area to flash their fake breasts in front of children.”

Mayor Tubolls doesn’t want his city to be another San Fransisco, where drug addicts poop on veterans regularly before the city Narcans them and gives them free room and board.

No, patriots, there’s nothing humane about that whole situation, but that’s what 148 years of Democrat control gets you. God Bless America.

88 Comments

  1. God

    So sad. He is now in the fag garbage bin. Bye bye.

    • Lucifer

      I’m still winning! Give it up, God!

    • Jesus

      Lucifer’s right, Dad. He’s burned you and our flock on this one.

  2. Doug in CA

    The good news is that Texas gov. Greg Abbott is so stupid he’s actually tweeting this article and being outraged that Garth Brooks went woke. ROTFL.

  3. Greg Abbott

    I made sure to Tweet this so everyone in the great state of Texas knows! Gobblers!

    -Greg Abbott

  4. Loving this getting traction thanks to the dipshit governor in Texas.

    HAPPY PRIDE, Y’ALL!!!!!

    • james

      Y’all? you from the south or just so woke you can not see past the end of your nose.

      • Anita Dique

        Oh, they’re far too woke to see the truth. Glad someone pointed it out!

        • Johnny Hall

          Y’all commenting on a satirical site. Now that’s funny! LOL

  5. Who cares?

    Gov. Abbott is such a fucking dumbass. All that imaginary republican hate, lead poisoning and overall redneck retardation in that old fart’s head got him to tweet this shit like “deez will destroi doez woke (not even using “woke” correctly) demoncratz!!!”

  6. Ted Cruz

    If you see this Greg Abbott, fuck you, ya fuckin idiot fuck face!

    -A Texan

  7. Libtater

    Whoever runs this website — thank you for your service. Truly brilliant when a dumb cunt like Abbott shares a link from Dunning-Kruger Times and has no clue what that reference means.

    • Anita Dique

      Right? The irony is so sweet and rich I have to cut it with Greek yogurt to ensure proper digestion.

  8. Anita Dique

    Thank God for you, Flagg, and for this patriotic website–it’s exactly what our great country needs right now. I’m sick of the humorless liberals incapable of intellectual rigor who hatefully mock the sacrifices General Dunning and Admiral Kruger made so that we could be free. THanK yOu for KEEPING THEM HONEST!

  9. Mark

    Congrats on getting that fucking moron from Texas to buy into your satire. Well done!

  10. Aunt Teefah

    After decades of embarrassing and humiliating themselves by falling for The Onion articles, some number of the abysmally slow and gullible Republican/conservative minded (perhaps still a minority, though) have learned to stop falling for The Onion articles. But, now thanks to THE DUNNING-KRUGER TIMES, now we can see the flagrant stupidity and sheeple nature of the right-wingers on full parade again!
    Thank you, Flagg Eagleton, for continuing the noble and patriotic work of The Onion and proper satirical journalism, doing The Lord’s work (as some might say). And thank you for your entertaining articles!

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