The Claim: Tom Brady refuses to work with “kneelers,” demanding the team’s only remaining pair be benched for the season.

Claimed By: Football fans, Tom Brady, and multiple other sources.

We rate this claim: TRUE!

It’s 100 percent true. Tom Brady, the greatest quarterback of all time, wants nothing to do with “kneelers.” He told Tampa Bay Head Coach Joe Barron that if he didn’t bench the two remaining holdouts, that he’d refuse to take the field.

Reports clearly state that Brady couldn’t give a flying phack about the politics behind kneeling, standing, or whatever. He says he uses the time during the pledge to consider the opposition’s strategy. “The whole thing is stupid. Either focus on football or sit down,” said Brady,” nobody is gonna let a cop kill you at Raymond James Stadium, probably.”

Brady says none of the nonsense makes a difference to him, just like his marriage made no difference. “She’s not a football,” he said when asked about his current relationship with his ex, “so I really don’t care about her. I like the feel of leather on my hands. Human skin is kinda gross.”

Brady says without the distraction, his shaman calculates an increase of 6.7% likelihood that he makes it to another Super Bowl, and as long as Eli Manning doesn’t show up, he should be good.

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