An organized boycott of Bud Light reached the hallowed food stands of Fenway Park recently, and it was magnificent to behold. A video of the scene was so popular that it now holds more views on Twitter than the last SpaceX launch.

“Every refrigerator at Fenway is filled with Bud Light,” one blue-checked and therefore verified source said:

We sent our man on the ground, Skip Tetheludah, to impersonate the accent and get as much info as possible.

“It’s the real deal,” said Skip, “I was about as good as Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting. So not quite Diane Lane but definitely better than Costner.”

Skip says other verified sources who showed him their blue checks confirmed that not a single Bud Light was sold at Fenway that night. Not. One.

One woman was quick to point out that they stop serving alcohol at Fenway and that the Sam Adams booths were also empty, but she didn’t have any way to verify herself, so her account is obviously untrustworthy.

“I don’t see why giving Elon Musk $8 a month makes me more honest,” said the woman we’ve now chosen to call Karen, “but you people are seriously delusional.”

Her opinion is welcome, however misguided. We’ll just stick with the facts which, according to The New York Post, Daily Mail, and even Newsweek, don’t need to include any.

God bless America.



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