Can it be true? It seems like there’s a new story about Whoopi Goldberg either leaving, quitting, or getting herself fired from “The View.” This time, however, it seems to be a different set of circumstances.

Nobody quit, got fired, or canceled. ABC simply refused to re-sign her contract.

“She’s not on our roster as of 2025,” said ABC Programming Director Joe Barron, “she’s a free agent.” The show has been renewed through 2026, and no replacement for Goldberg has been named yet.

“We’ll probably go with Alyssa Milano or Kathy Griffin, or maybe even both,” said Barron, “We have $16 million per year to spend if we’re not handing it to Whoopi for name recognition.”

Goldberg’s manager, Art Tubolls, said that Whoopi will absolutely get a new contract, unless ABC wants the court battle of a lifetime. “She’ll play the race card, fellas because that’s what this is. Replace her with an attractive white woman? That’s not gonna go over well.”

Whoopi confirmed that Milano is, in fact, a white woman and says she has no ill feelings toward her, as long as she doesn’t try to steal her job. “I’ll take that little cracker out,” Goldberg chuckled. Milano wasn’t available for comment but didn’t seem too afraid of the threat. “I wish everyone would just be friendly and kind,” the bumper sticker on her Volkswagon reads.

God Bless America.

1 Comment

  1. Richard Copher

    So, Why is there no OUTRAGE over the”Cracker” name calling. I’m sure if the tables were turned and Whoopi was referred to with a racist word, Milano would be shamefully canceled!!

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