Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has a serious issue. Her boyfriend, or rather her new fiance, has some hidden skeletons in his closet.

According to Homeland Security experts, Malik Salaam Kalif, otherwise known as “Riley Roberts,” spent more than three years on the US terrorist watch list.

“We can neither confirm nor deny Mr’ Roberts’ status on the list or if his real name is, in fact, Kalif,” said Homeland Security Czar Joe Barron, “that will be for the lawyers to sort out.”

According to AOC’s publicist, Sandy Batt, the young Congresswoman denies that her beau is a terrorist. “Riley went to BU with her and they’ve known each other forever,” she said, “if he’s a terrorist, then so is she.”

That’s something to consider, patriots. What if AOC came to America under false pretenses? What if her real allegiance lies with Puerto Rico or one of the other Mexican islands? How will we know we’re safe?

Mexico’s Department of Terrorism says the US has little to fear from the Mexican islands. Cuba, on the other hand, issued a stark warning:

“Anyone accusing Cuba of being part of Mexico will pay the ultimate price,” the Havana Gazette told its readers, “and we mean it.”

Meanwhile, back here in the states, nobody is really sure if Roberts’ intentions are good or if he’s actually a fictional terrorist I made up in the second sentence. Only time will tell. God bless America.


No comments yet. Why don’t you start the discussion?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *