They didn’t fire her. They didn’t cancel her. They didn’t even cancel her show. What ABC did instead, to deal with its neverending Whoopi Goldberg problem, was to simply decline to re-sign her to a new contract. The move will cost Goldberg her lead on a popular show and upwards of $36 million per year in salary and endorsements.

“It’s time to move on,” said Programming Director Joe Barron, “she had a good run..” Barron said the network is constantly inundated with complaints from people who don’t like Goldberg. “Most of them can’t explain why, but it’s their right not to,” he commented.

Goldberg’s manager, Art Tubolls, says the negotiations are far from over and that he expects ABC to offer his client a new contract through 2029. “She is the show,” he said, “who’s gonna run it, Joy Behar? She doesn’t have the star power to do what Whoopi does.”

Barron says Behar isn’t the only option, as freeing up all that cash could net the show two new hosts. “I’ll bet we could get both Alyssa Milano and Kathy Griffin for half of that,” he chuckled. Alyssa Milano ignored our request for comment. Again.

Dear person reviewing this for Adsense for the millionth time: This post is satire. There is nothing dangerous or derogatory about it. Thanks for stopping by.

14 Comments

  1. Sherri Hoskins

    I wonder if even the haters who watch that show want something funny once in a while.

  2. I don’t watch that narcissist, political rhetoric. They are all awful. I hope she gets “canned”. Would serve her right. Talk about division……I don’t even want to hear it.

  3. Addie

    I watch the show because Whoopi is on it!
    There are too many haters out there and they like to cause trouble.
    She’s a strong woman that speaks her mind.
    I thought that’s what the show was about.
    Most people, mainly men, don’t like that.
    A new trend away from liberalism will continue so America can get back to the glory days.
    What the hell does that mean?
    If Whoopi goes, I guess I’ll move on too.

    • Bye Bye, that woman if you can call her that is as crazy as a sh_t house rat! That’s got to be the worst show on TV and no sane person would even watch it! If you’re a Democrat too you should be apologizing to everyone in America for doing this to our country.

    • Whoopi Goldberg started life as a heroin addicted New York prostitute. One of her clients was a movie producer, who liked the jokes she told in bed. Her snark served her well as a movie comedienne, but people who have lived lives that hard have an inner bitterness that they never seem to lose, and it makes their responses to everything come out full of anger and resentment. There are a lot of women in this country who are angry, mostly fat ones who can’t get a date, but they are drawn to Whoopi’s vindictiveness like a moth to a flame. The problem is that normal people get really tired of the bvllsh!t after a while.

  4. Vivian Pearle Brenden

    Whoopi is racist-devisive and just plain rude-best she be gone and soon! VERY DISGUSTED MOST VIEWINGS OF THE VIEW AS OF LAST!

  5. Michele

    Whoopi is an ignorant racist and she’s not the least bit funny and way overpaid . Get rid of her – certainly there is much better talent out there .

  6. I will take all the abuse they dish for $3 million a year. I am a conservative talk show host on wwdbtv.com. THE ROUNDTABLE SHOW.

  7. Larry

    Get rid of her AND Joy. Have a show that is politically neutral not loaded with racist leftist liberals spewing their hate.

  8. Odus Brodus

    China is looking for a replacement blimp

    • Isabella

      LOL!!!! This wins the Comment of the day!!!!

  9. Why soes Trump take out revenge on his enemies? Small small man. Freedom of speech is not just for people who like him. Such a shame you can devote a site to knocking your eneies….

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