Businesses promoting “Pride Month” saw a 40 percent drop in revenue, according to a report.

“Nearly every retailer that displayed rainbow merchandise took a hit,” said Flagg Eagleton of the Dunning-Kruger Times, “and that’s not counting restaurants, bars and other service-oriented businesses.

“We’ve lost far more than that,” said Chick-Fil-A CEO Joe Barron, “We decided to mention it and hire someone to help integrate inclusivity into our business model and it backfired.”

The chain saw losses of up to 70 percent during the peak of the boycott as opposed to Bud Light, which only saw a $31 percent drop. “I think it’s because America expects us to be conservative,” said Barron.

Other huge losers to the woke pride movement include Target, at 48 percent, Cracker Barrel, at 53 percent, and Ford Motor Company, which had its worst two weeks since the pandemic.

“We’re not really sure why we got a pass,” said Bass Pro Shops CEO Sandy Batt, “we have rainbows everywhere, but they seem to just…ignore them.” Some psychologists speculate that many conservatives use their experiences in shops like Bass to get “enough wood to rub one out” and would therefore be more willing to accept social engineering there.

Hobby Lobby, the store that removed anything with rainbows anywhere near it three years ago, is the winner in the culture war, with sales increasing by 34 percent and recruiting for local Christian indoctrination centers up 27 percent. God Bless America.

1 Comment

  1. Bob

    Sure the boycotts are working, or the economy is in the trash thanks to 45’s mishandling of covid. Cope harder, cry more!

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